Hygiene Hiatus

Hygiene Hiatus

On my journey to doing not nothing, I've noticed a trend in my productivity. When I get up and do one thing, it usually makes me do another thing. I think to most people, that's living life and being a human. However, my brain is funky, so I call it a huge win. 

Not everyday is a huge win. When I begin to struggle, the first thing to go is hygiene and self-care. Do people talk about that? Are people up front about how gross depression and anxiety get? Let me share some of what happens when my mental health starts to dwindle…

Three Years Later - Mental Health Awareness Month

Three Years Later - Mental Health Awareness Month

Here's what I want to share with you: I'm having a really hard day. I went six months without having a hard day, but lately, a lot of days are hard. That doesn't mean that the progress I've made in 3 years (not to mention the last 20) doesn't count. I thought that I was short changed because my work went viral when I wasn't ready. I thought I was letting people down when I wasn't set up to be an influence or support system. I wasn't. 

Long Time No Talk (but plenty of depression)

Long Time No Talk (but plenty of depression)

"Do you like yourself?" My therapist asks me this almost every week. I sit. I think. I get uncomfortable. I squirm around in my seat at the question, suddenly realizing how stuck my legs are to the leather of the chair and how my necklace feels against my skin.
"Do you understand that this is your depression and not you?" He makes a point to draw attention to the delusions I'm allowing to run my life. I quickly dive into every reason that he's wrong.

Discipline over Desire

Discipline over Desire

This quote is exactly what I needed in this season of my life. It’s not about wanting to be skinny. It’s not about saving money or my future children’s college fund. It’s about that fact that discipline isn’t just putting the nose to the grindstone for no reason. Discipline is about understanding that your moods, appetites, passions, desires, wants, feelings, cravings, aren’t going to live and grow on their own. They can inspire. They can cause a dream. They are something to aspire to fulfill. Discipline is what it takes to get you there.

Are You There, Motivation? It's Me, Katie

Are You There, Motivation? It's Me, Katie

You see, the problem I had with the word "motivation" is that I made it synonymous with being productive. I had convinced myself that all those women my age were just feeling motivation that I didn't have and they were getting. shit. done. Meanwhile, I was jealous of them wondering when the hell my motivation was going to show up. I lived like this up until like... I don't know... last week? 

You Have to Fix the Leaking Pipe

You Have to Fix the Leaking Pipe

Depression or anxiety is making you feel like you can't. Do you have the physical ability to do so, though? The answer is most likely yes. The very idea that it makes you upset when you’re in that place or that nothing brings you joy means that you want to experience incredible change. You desire a different reality.

He Gets a Bad Rap

He Gets a Bad Rap

I believe Jesus is in every answer I’ve found. I believe he is in the SSRI’s I take each morning, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Functional Medicine. I believe he created the oils I anoint my body with daily. I believe he lead me to my husband even though neither one of us actively pursued a relationship with him at the time. I believe he held me through every panic attack and depressive episode. I believe he held me when my dad left. I believe he carried me through parts of my life I can’t even remember. I believe he healed the wounds on my heart and the wounds I made on my own skin. I believe he brought me through this journey so that I can be there for all of you. I also believe he is MINE and I am HIS.

Depressed Day

Depressed Day

I am depressed and I am having a depressed day. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to curl up and cover my face and not come out again till tomorrow. When you have a mental illness, this is your reality. These days used to be my normal, but now they are few and far between. To be honest, it’s almost harder this way! I know that’s a lie, but when you go so long without these days, it’s so difficult to see the other side.