Discipline over Desire


Happy Monday!

I want to try to begin each Monday with a “word of the week”. This week’s word: DISCIPLINE.

You’re going to see that struggle is a common word I like to use. I say “I struggle with” often. I think it’s more of “I’m undisciplined at” than anything else. “I struggle with my meal prep.” “I struggle with my budget.” “I struggle with my schedule.” “I struggle with communicating effectively.”

I struggle at the things that I just need to practice. When I say “I struggle with discipline” I’m literally saying “I am undisciplined at being disciplined.” Redundant? Why yes, yes I am. What do I not struggle with? Over-analyzing tasks without attempting them, spending money that I don’t have, giving freely and often, sarcasm and puns, Netflix binges, eating sugar, and most notably: having baby fever.

If there were a trophy for baby fever, there would be zero competition. Here’s the problem with having baby fever when you’re like me: I’m undisciplined. Re: the quote above. I am a slave to my mood, appetite, and passion. I want a baby so badly that I cry when I see infants, toddlers, tiny shoes, and don’t even get me started on newborn onesies. I’m pretty sure I’ve cried at pureed food because it reminded me of making my own baby food someday (I dream big, y’all).

My husband and I have to have the baby talk once a week. “Babe, can we pleeassee have a baby?” is met with a look of “you’re kidding, right? I have to peel you out of bed with promises of making your smoothie, bringing you slippers, and turning on the heater. You act on impulses daily, make commitments and then forget them and this would be a huge impulsive commitment.” It’s just a look, though. What he says is, “We can have a baby when the finances are predictable, we can keep the house clean/own a kitchen table, and when our lives are little less chaotic. We’ll know when we’re ready.” Sexy, am I right?

Why am I saying all of this? Because when I read the aforementioned quote, it knocked the wind out of me. I always read things like “discipline is doing what you don’t want to do to get the results you do want” or “motivation is the spark, discipline is the fire.” Those don’t hit me. I’ll read those and pass them over like the t-shirts at Forever 21 that say “mayonnaise is bae” or whatever ridiculous phrased-ruin clothing item they have on the rack.

However, we’re talking about moods… appetites… passions. These are my life! These are the words of an empathetic, introverted, depressed, freedom-seeking 20-something who grew up with zero self-discipline know how. This hit every point. Did you read my leaking pipe blog? Or my motivation one? They are dripping with words like feelings, desires, wants. My brain has never been one for planning or waiting to see things through fruition.

Instant gratification, table for one, please?

This quote is exactly what I needed in this season of my life. It’s not about wanting to be skinny. It’s not about saving money or my future children’s college fund. It’s about that fact that discipline isn’t just putting the nose to the grindstone for no reason. Discipline is about understanding that your moods, appetites, passions, desires, wants, feelings, cravings, aren’t going to live and grow on their own. They can inspire. They can cause a dream. They are something to aspire to fulfill. Discipline is what it takes to get you there. I can’t follow feelings to get what I want. I can't continue to acquire debt because I am acting on an impulse. I have to follow action to propel me to reach those desires. I need to focus on long term and not instant gratification.

I need to understand that wanting a baby, being great with children, and having ovaries that won’t calm the hell down does not mean that motherhood is for me right now. It’s a seed. It’s a desire. It may even be a calling. Discipline, however, is the soil/water/fertilizer.. (I grew up in the city and don't know how to properly maneuver my own metaphor). Discipline will nurture that seed. Discipline will help me prepare myself to reach a goal that I have craved for so long.

Discipline will get me that new laptop, that newly painted house, that working from home income, that trip to Disney World for the first time, that holiday with my husband, that full body healing from the inside out, that financial freedom, that run in the morning, that meal plan, that recognition.

Discipline will get me that baby. That sweet baby that I’ve longed for, prayed for, hoped for, thought of, and loved already. Discipline is freedom from being a slave to my mood, my appetite, and passion.  
Discipline is the way to fulfill my passion with purpose and a plan... 

and it starts today.