I have a habit of only sharing the lows or the hopefuls. I share the huge celebrations or the awful days. I rarely remember to say, "Hey. It was a good day. That's so great." So...
Hey! It was a good day! That's so great. I met my deadlines, I spent time with my husband, I ate a compliant meal.
On my journey to doing not nothing, I've noticed a trend in my productivity. When I get up and do one thing, it usually makes me do another thing. I think to most people, that's living life and being a human. However, my brain is funky, so I call it a huge win.
Not everyday is a huge win. When I begin to struggle, the first thing to go is hygiene and self-care. Do people talk about that? Are people up front about how gross depression and anxiety get? Let me share some of what happens when my mental health starts to dwindle:
1. I will go several days without brushing my teeth.
2. I haven't shaved my legs or underarms in 2 or 3 weeks (I prefer to shave, but this totally isn't a requirement for good hygiene)
3. I have to remind myself to wash my hair, because most days, if I do bathe, I just sit in water for a bit.
4. Eating becomes difficult. If I eat in the morning, it's usually just a protein bar. I then snack on anything I can get my hands on after 5 because I'm ravenous. This leaves me bloated, sick, and worse than I started.
5. I'll pick my face and go days without washing it, falling asleep in makeup after weddings (the one night a week I put it on)
6. I notice I start to smell. It hurts to type that for some reason, but I refuse to feel shame about it.
I could go on. It gets rough. It is rough. It's also tricky, because I'm not sure if people would guess these things about me. I'm a business owner, a wedding photographer, a wife, and I appear to be "together." Don't let that fool you. I still need to go brush my teeth. If you neglect these things, please feel no shame. Please understand that others go through it too. Please know, even if I'm the only other person that does this, you're not alone.
Lastly, and most importantly, this does not make you gross, unworthy, unloved, unchosen. This does not give you a pass to be hard on yourself, to be disgusted with yourself, to be ashamed of yourself. You are a strong fighter and overcomer. We have triumphs and we have losses. Some days are good days and some days are extremely bad days. There is no shame here. I'm proud of you for fighting and showing up each day.
Since today was a good day, I'm going to take a shower, wash my face and hair, AND I may even shave my legs. We'll see. I am still a hot mess, after all.