You see, the problem I had with the word "motivation" is that I made it synonymous with being productive. I had convinced myself that all those women my age were just feeling motivation that I didn't have and they were getting. shit. done. Meanwhile, I was jealous of them wondering when the hell my motivation was going to show up. I lived like this up until like... I don't know... last week?
Depression or anxiety is making you feel like you can't. Do you have the physical ability to do so, though? The answer is most likely yes. The very idea that it makes you upset when you’re in that place or that nothing brings you joy means that you want to experience incredible change. You desire a different reality.
I believe Jesus is in every answer I’ve found. I believe he is in the SSRI’s I take each morning, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Functional Medicine. I believe he created the oils I anoint my body with daily. I believe he lead me to my husband even though neither one of us actively pursued a relationship with him at the time. I believe he held me through every panic attack and depressive episode. I believe he held me when my dad left. I believe he carried me through parts of my life I can’t even remember. I believe he healed the wounds on my heart and the wounds I made on my own skin. I believe he brought me through this journey so that I can be there for all of you. I also believe he is MINE and I am HIS.
I am depressed and I am having a depressed day. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to curl up and cover my face and not come out again till tomorrow. When you have a mental illness, this is your reality. These days used to be my normal, but now they are few and far between. To be honest, it’s almost harder this way! I know that’s a lie, but when you go so long without these days, it’s so difficult to see the other side.
I want to spill out this knowledge I have within me. I want to share every detail of what I’ve learned. I want to learn more. I want to give as much as I can and I want to do as much as I can. However, I am so tired. I’m not physically tired, though. Sleeping doesn’t make it better. I’m emotionally and mentally tired. I have never grasped good coping skills. I can’t understand self-care. I get the fundamentals, but I don’t actually know that I’ve found what recharges me.
I am an expert at a lot of things. I know how to wear a Ninja Turtle onesie while watching The Office. I am especially skilled at forgetting clothes in the washing machine and having to run it again. My skills for forgetting someone’s name as soon as they tell it to me are unmatched. However, I am not an expert at any of the things I’m about to share with you. This is just my life, my story, and my crazy self trying to get healthy.
Well, first of all, make sure you've already read part I. Then move on to step two:
Step 2. Identify those areas that are struggling and just pick one, or pick one thing from each one to start to change or focus on. Examples of what I did: